You've been so happy to embarrass yourself on Saturday Night Live and in the casino business.'

(To Donald Trump) 'You've got a great sense of humor.

Why not? It wouldn't be the first time he pushed a Black family out of their home.' - Snoop Dogg 'Trump says he wants to run for President.'Look at this dais: you've got a pimp, a murderer, a drug dealer, a pornographer and then eight white people.' - Anthony Jeselnik.I guess I'll start with Larry King, because, I don't know.tick tock.' - Whitney Cummings He plans on spending his retirement opening a jar.' - Jeffrey Ross You've disappointed more women than Sex and the City 2.' - Lisa Lampanelli (To Donald Trump) 'You've ruined more models' lives than bulimia.Except say something funny.' - Snoop Dogg 'I like Jeff (Ross) because he'll do anything to get a laugh.(On Whitney Cummings) 'She's got the body of a crack whore, but she's got the razor-sharp wit of a crack whore.' - Seth Macfarlane.

'I guess I'm the perfect choice for this roast, because like 'The Situation,' I, too, have never heard the sound of laughter.' - Marlee Matlin.(To Trump) 'You've put up more worthless hotels than an autistic kid playing Monopoly.' - Lisa Lampanelli.(To Donald Trump) 'Are you having a good time? All right, well, tell your face.' - Jeffrey Ross.Not only did the world lose Greg Giraldo, but, even worse, it kept Jeff Ross.' - Anthony Jeselnik 'When Trump bangs a supermodel, he closes his eyes and imagines he's jerking off.' - Seth Macfarlane.Now she knows what hard is supposed to feel like.' - Whitney Cummings You should not have gotten her a diamond. (To Trump) 'You got Melania a huge, 12-carat diamond engagement ring.'Making fun of Larry King for being old is like making fun of Marlee Matlin for being deaf: it's fun.' - Anthony Jeselnik.'Look at Marlee (Matlin), sitting up there like she's normal.' - Lisa Lampanelli.'My good friend Snoop Dogg said that Jeff's (Ross) book was unreadable, but that's because Snoop can't read.' - Larry King.Larry King died 10 minutes ago.' - Seth Macfarlane 'Recently, the roast lost a very talented and beloved performer, and it would be wrong not to acknowledge him and say how much he'll be missed.

Roast jokes for dinner